January 16, 1999, 4 o’clock in the morning. I was awakened by some strange moaning coming from my brother’s bed. Thought he was again having some bad dreams of sort. I rose and went up to him. He was actually within my reach anyways. I called  to awaken him up, but he was still in his sleep. I called again. Still no response. I tried slapping his face gently, just to inflict a little pain to wake him up. No movement. I became worried. Tried calling his name again and again. None. Was shaking him vigorously now, and making harder slaps. But only dull sounds and heavy breathing were all I got from him. Now I was really concerned. I don’t want to entertain anything at that point. But signs of Jon not moving indicated something was wrong. I tried listening to his breathing… same unusual pattern. Because of it, I already started CPR. Hoping that would help to wake him or revive him. Then I noticed the bed was excessively wet from his waist down to the edge of the bed. Now i was more than alarmed than the first time I saw him that morning. I instantly went to my parents’ room and woke them up. I said Jon’s not responding. Papa instantly went to our room and decided that we had to bring him to PGH. So we carried him down the stairs while someone was getting a cab. Boy! He was extremely and unusually heavy, like dead weight. I was afraid to think about it.

We arrived at PGH and instantly I looked for my sister, who was in her  1^st year then as resident. Fetching her, I told her what happened. She rushed to where Jon was, being revived by another doctor. After more than 10 minutes of CPR and M2M resuscitation, the doctor already made his pronouncement . Ate didn’t want to give up, and insisted that the doctor continue on for another 5 minutes. But as they were desperately trying to revive my brother still, my parents and I were already in tears. Everything all came as a shock, especially for me who was with him from the previous night until the wee hours of that fateful morning. Ididn’t want to think that it was really happening to us. You see, he was about to leave for the States already that same month to work as an occupational therapist.  He just delayed his plan to leave the country because he wanted to spend Christmas and New Year with us prior to his US work. But not like this. Especially at that time that we were getting closer as brothers, more so because he was also my twin brother. But that’s what maybe the Lord had planned for him. He wasn’t stricken with sickness… he wasn’t involved in any accident… he just slept and the next thing I knew he was gone. I couldn’t explain the pain that morning. Even harder was going home to change clothes, going back to the same room again. Was crying so hard… like my heart was about to jump out of me. I called a few close friends, even a friend in the states and Canada, telling them the sad news. Afterwards, I cried once more before I prepared again to go back to PGH.

It has been 12 years from the time Jon left us. Today is that day, his new birthday. Honestly, it’s not anymore as hard to think that he’s gone. But truly, I miss him a lot. The only time I get to talk to him is when I pass by South Cemetery and say hi or ask him in passing to pray for me for anything. I got to think that I know he’s just there, watching over me and my family, my sister who’s in Australia, and my parents who are now all alone and retired at our Manila home. I guess it’s also nice to know that he’ll always be my guardian angel (not because he’s my twin), always the Jon I knew who would stay with you and be ready to help you in any way he can. My only regret is that I never got to tell him how much I love him. But I guess as twins, he already knew that ever since.

To you, Jon, thanks for everything. Though, it may be too soon that you left, am glad that you’ve been a great part of my life. And I wouldn’t ask the Lord for anyone else to be my brother, whether here or the next life. Thanks again, Bro! We’ll see again soon… but not yet now… not yet…

Request: For those who will get to read this, can I ask you guys to offer him a short prayer? I will surely appreciate it. Thanks!!!

We never expected her then, thinking that Jeremy was just 4 months old, and Kaye was still on recuperation stage. But as they say, our baby girl Cassie came as a good surprise when we least expect her to appear.  I was a bit scared then when Kaye felt she might be pregnant again that soon. So to settle our worries, we consulted to our OB-GYNE friend doctor Doc Joana Lozada in Manila for Kaye’s initial check-up.  Lo and behold, Kaye was confirmed pregnant! I saw this coming after Kaye guessed it. Actually, we thought of having another baby after Jeremy turns 2. But since the unexpected surprise is underway, it was just a matter of days and months ahead before the Cassie comes.

Of course the worries are back again. Knowing Kaye has APAS (Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome), she has to take again heparin shots for the whole duration of her pregnancy. Panic attacks were also a concern for Kaye (even me). Moreso was the stress of traveling, since Doc Joana’s is in Don Santiago Bldg in Taft Ave. So trips to & from her Manila clinic required longer travel time. But we were not complaining. After all, our level of excitement were at spiking points for the arrival of Cassie. Imagine, there will be another kid to arrive, and soon enough, we would now be five (Even before Jeremy, we had difficulties of conceiving our first baby). Talk about more bundles of joy!

A few months after, around May 2008, Kaye & I were already preparing for her eventual delivery. Doc Joana informed us that the only hospital she can deliver Cassie was in M-Tech Hospital, a medium-scale hospital located in Makati.  Since it was the only hospital she can operate on Kaye, we agreed on it.

By May-end, Kaye was already experiencing slight contractions and movement from baby Cassie, but it was nothing we were to be worried about. We thought that she may even the same date as his kuya Jeremy if that would be possible. But since baby Cassie’s growth is doing smoothly,  we weren’t surprised that Kaye made it tohru the first week of June, just finishing Jeremy’s 1st birthday. In fact, we could say that Kaye’s pregnancy with Cassie is considered the safest and I guess stable for that matter. But on the night of June 5, Kaye said that it’s more probable that Cassie is already coming out. So from our Sta. Rosa home, we traveled to M-Tech Hospital in Makati so we can already be admitted as a precaution for baby Cassie’s delivery. Doc Joana was tipped by our possible admission that night, though I know she was coming from a dinner party with his soon-to-be hubby Glenn.

By early morn of June 6, Kaye was already prepped for operation. I accompanied her, as the nurses wheeled her out to the ground floor of the hospital up to the OR entrance. After giving her a kiss, there she went inside, with Doc Joana already waiting to “dissect” her and bring Cassie finally out to the world. After a few hours, I was called for but not to join Kaye in the OR but just to view for the first time my bunso, Cassie who was already placed in the nursery.  I was speechless when I first saw her, sleeping soundly, not hinting a difference whatsover of her new environment. A few moments of watching her, she abruptly woke up and kinda looked at my direction. Of course, new born babies still don’t have eyesight yet, but seeing her look at me made me feel like she knew I am there, her one and only Daddy.

Cassie at the nursery

Since that day when we first brought Cassie home, it made me think. Cassie may have been unplanned, unscheduled when Kaye & I had her. But you know what? We were glad that she came that early. We may have missed a lot of fun, memorable and worth it times if ever she did come 2 years after. Besides, her beautiful face, charming smile, and energizing kakulitan (for lack of the right translation), I wouldn’t want to exchange those 2 years of waiting before enjoying and experiencing how Cassie lights up our spirits and lives everyday!

Cass, I thank you for being here with me and Mama. I know that most times you were overshadowed by your kuya Jeremy or even being bullied fo that matter (sorry anak!), to us you’re not one less of a precious gem to us. You’re truly the best bunso we could ever have and we thank the Lord that He did plan of bring you to us the soonest! Darling, we love you and we do hope to serve as very good role models for you as you grow in the years to come, with your ate Kara and kuya Jeremy.

To you, darling Cassie, Daddy loves you very very much!

Mama feeding baby Cass at home

Cassie at 4 months

Ate Kara & Cassie in Tagaytay

Cassie fun bonding with kuya Jeremy